tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44100588136609772332024-03-13T05:28:35.153-07:00Busi GirlBusy Building a Biz While Managing to Have a Life...BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-26116488648968912672011-05-05T22:50:00.000-07:002011-05-05T22:50:39.870-07:00Gratitude for a Happy Home<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am pretty sure my housekeeper thinks I have a drug problem.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">She does not judge the sink full of dishes I leave each week, nor the un-watered plants that are on the brink of death, or even the random (wrapped!) condom she finds that has slipped out the back of my nightstand. But each time she visits my home, she completely removes all traces of the white pills I leave on the stovetop.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The pills, of course, are for my cat Peaches, who has a heart problem and relies on the milky white drugs for normal daily function. Her pills are kept in two stocked pharmacy bottles on the kitchen windowsill, and because she needs only a quarter of a human heart medication, I keep the cut pills on the stove next to the olive oil (who doesn’t?!). <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My housekeeper, Alicia, doesn’t speak English, so she is not able to read that the innovative Target pill bottles are clearly marked “Peaches Marconi.” And even if she could, I am not sure she realizes that this is the name of my cat. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Does it matter?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Alicia arrives each Thursday morning as I am leaving for work, and the best communication we can manage is of the weather. Since I am usually only half-dressed by the time she arrives, she tells me if it’s cold or warm; and I head off, leaving her to take care of my home, which she does, every time, with amazing care. She is a fantastic asset. But because we can’t communicate properly – even on the most basic level - I often wonder what she perceives of my lifestyle. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We obviously come from significantly different backgrounds. She is from another country, although I don’t know where; she has a family, which I only know because her daughter manages most of her business affairs; and she makes a living cleaning homes, which I know because I was referred by someone else. But that’s it. That is all I've got on her. Yet, due to her role in managing my home, we share an intimate relationship - especially since she knows much more about my life. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">She knows that I hate doing dishes and that I attempt to recycle. She knows my cycle of bed sheets, which shoes I’ve worn the day before, the mail I receive. She knows that I leave the radio on for my cat, which shampoo I use, and the magazines and books I am reading at any given time. She sees that I like fresh flowers, fragrant candles, and that I pull daily affirmations from a jar. She’s even met a former boyfriend, the apartment manager, and my handyman. And apparently, she also thinks I have an issue with small white pills.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Alicia has become an integral part of my life, and besides the obligatory bonuses on the holidays and attempted thank you notes in Spanish, I have no way to show her how much this care means to me. Is this a larger societal problem, or my own personal bourgeois guilt?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Throughout time, women not related to us have taken care of our homes, our children, our businesses. Their daily labor has produced a good percentage of our nation’s GDP, raised productive adults, and kept chaos at bay – and all under the table. Although at some economic level this is simply a macro issue of supply and demand, it seems that there should be a greater priority to thank those who do much of society’s work – the efforts that seem not so economically viable for us to do ourselves.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am not sure how to express this gratitude to my trusty housekeeper... I doubt she realizes how much it means to me that she can take care of an area of my life that I cannot, and I often wonder if it signifies anything more to her than simply a few more hours of regular work in her week. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">All I can hope is that our weekly weather chats, my copious thank yous and the random bonuses speak this respect. Or maybe it’s enough for her that she is saving my soul by discarding the small white pills. Either way, I appreciate her and what she brings to my home – and perhaps one day we will find a better way to share this certainty. Rehab, anyone?!</span></span></div>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-86074965143472131412011-03-28T22:07:00.000-07:002011-03-28T22:07:24.348-07:00Sex Seven Times A Week? Better Watch Out...<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Addiction is a very real part of our society. Every one knows someone who struggles with, or has been affected by, an addiction to drugs or alcohol. It can be heartbreaking to see a substance have such an affect on someone - and have little control over how to help. Over the years scientists and doctors have determined that these specific addictions have a genetic foundation, and they are now considered diseases.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><br />
<span class="apple-style-span">Can this also be true for sex?</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<br />
This month, t<span class="apple-style-span">he American Psychiatric Association (APA) is considering adding sex addiction to its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Medical Disorders (DSMIV), </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black;">the “standard classification of mental disorders used by mental health professionals in the <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">United States</st1:place></st1:country-region>.” It's important because it determines what is a psychological illness - and because illness needs treatment, health insurance providers are more likely to cover it (and society to take a greater interest in it). </span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><span style="color: black;"><br />
<br />
<span class="apple-style-span">The proposed "hypersexual disorder" suggests that illness can be present if <a href="http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2050027,00.html#ixzz1HxT2aL4S">"you spend so much time pursuing intercourse or masturbation as to interfere with your job or other important activities."</a> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black;">Warning signs would include "repetitively engaging" in sexual behaviors when you are anxious, depressed or stressed OR </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black;">having more than seven orgasms a week for at least six months - actual sex or otherwise.</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #003399;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">S<span class="apple-style-span">even? Seriously? There are definitely relationships I’ve been in where I would have qualified. And have they met most men in <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Los Angeles</st1:place></st1:city>? And gay men everywhere?</span><br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black;">I know that addictions are very real, and I know that there are men (and women) who have extreme appetites for sexual encounters. But with individual sex drives ranging so dramatically, how can one determine how much is too much sex? For the most part, men generally complain they aren't getting enough; and women couldn't care less about it until they hit their late 20s and then they’re on fire. Modern sexuality is very specific, readily available and increasingly less taboo.</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: black;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It is also <span class="apple-style-span">partly inherited, somewhat environmental, and definitely a crazy combination of hormones stemming from the limbic system in the brain (the very front, important part that regulates survival and pleasure). Attraction, mood, a great ass, ulterior motives, smell and other elusive factors are also generally involved. As humans, we are literally hardwired to want to have sex - not only for reproduction but also to engage a mate for lifelong companionship.</span><br />
<span class="apple-style-span"><br />
</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="apple-style-span">So unlike prescribed treatments for alcohol and drug addiction, it is very difficult to treat a sex addiction by abstaining from the act of having sex. Treatment centers are still working on alternative ways to treat it and society hasn't quite determined if this is an actual disease.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black;">So with a vague definition, a liberal model for diagnosis, and an ambiguity for treatment, the APA has its work cut out for them: is sex addiction an actual psychological disorder, or is this an outcome of a society that can watch porn on-demand, is more sexually educated than ever before, and grew up under looser sexual norms? Should we send the offenders to treatment centers or tell them knock it off?</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><span style="color: black;"><br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><span class="apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">These are big questions that have pretty weighty outcomes - and we will learn the final prognosis in the next couple of months. In the meantime be sure to keep track of how many orgasms you’re having, just to be safe – or to have something to brag about.</span></span></span>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-47571230387137276152011-02-14T14:26:00.000-08:002011-02-14T14:26:06.403-08:00My Current Love Affairs<div class="MsoNormal"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BhvsPeaX9rU/TVmpNde1wXI/AAAAAAAAACs/WQmThAwV9yg/s1600/photo+%25289%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" h5="true" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BhvsPeaX9rU/TVmpNde1wXI/AAAAAAAAACs/WQmThAwV9yg/s200/photo+%25289%2529.JPG" width="149" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I’m not in love with Valentine’s Day. And really who is? Singeltons get shafted and couples get gouged by expectations and overpriced accoutrements. On the plus side, my gym class will probably not be as crowded as it has been since the New Year began. </span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But rather than wax poetic about all the things wrong with this Hallmark Holiday, I will instead share about all of the things that I am in love with – on February 14 and every other day throughout the year. And while they may not be as exciting as a hot date, can't snuggle on the couch with me, and don’t offer long-lasting partnership - at any given moment they can me smile, inspire me, or remind me of the magic that is all around. </span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Stargazer Lillies</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am not a fan of perfumes, but the fragrance of these flowers is my absolute favorite. Add that to the tall, bright green stalks of five-pointed star buds and you can’t go wrong with an arrangement of these beauties in your home. </span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><city w:st="on"><place w:st="on"><b><br />
</b></place></city></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><city w:st="on"><place w:st="on"><span style="color: orange;"><b>Los Angeles</b></place></city><b> Sunsets</b></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><b></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">LA has some of the greatest sunsets in the world. When the sun dips below the <place w:st="on">Pacific Ocean</place>, orange and pink hues are kicked around the LA basin and cover everything from the mountains to the high rises with a soft blanket of light. It never ceases to make me pause in awe... my kind of daily meditation!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This American Life</span></b></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Ira Glass and his team at This American Life (produced by Chicago Public Radio and aired on NPR) are some of the most clever journalists around. Their well-researched and interesting stories absolutely make my Sunday mornings and teach me something new each week. I never knew that I wanted to know so much about topics that range from the inner workings of the Fed to youth politics in <country-region w:st="on"><place w:st="on">China</place></country-region>. Download the iPhone app!</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Hummingbirds</span></b></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A love of these smallest birds runs in my family - we all have a special affinity for them. And just watching a hummingbird navigate his world immediately calms me down - I can stare for hours. They are so delicate, yet efficient; beautiful, yet hard working. I recently saved the life of one of these tiny creatures and it was one of the most poignant experiences I've had.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Serendipity</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">There is something so magical about a happy coincidence. You think of someone and they call; a check arrives in the mail the day you accidently bought too many pairs of shoes. These moments of synergy make me smile and remind me that we are all connected in one way or another.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And finally, <b><span style="color: orange;">I love writing this blog</span></b>. It has become a wonderful outlet for me and I really enjoy the practice of putting words to “paper” and getting them out into the world. So on this random holiday – and every other time I post throughout the year – know that I am sending you love and appreciation for being a part of my online experience. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>Happy Valentine’s Day!</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Garamond;"></span></div>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-18073734155730056052011-01-26T22:04:00.000-08:002011-01-27T10:43:46.482-08:00It's All in the Timing<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I always get dumped on a Wednesday. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It is the strangest thing. But it is true - the last few people I’ve dated, who’ve chosen to end things with me, decided to do it on a Wednesday. <a href="http://busigirl.blogspot.com/2010/03/id-rather-work-than-date.html">One was on St. Patrick’s Day</a>. One was last week. From 2:30-2:35 in the afternoon.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Always a nice way to end hump day.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And also a nice reminder of the importance of timing. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For most things in life, it all comes down to timing. And not just in the “we’re not in the same place in our lives” kind of timing. More in the way that, as humans, we generally invest time in the things we consider to be priorities. For most it is a deep and evolving connection with family and friends. For others it’s completing a marathon, traveling to every country or launching a business.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For me, for the last couple of months, it was investing in a relationship.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For those of you keeping score at home, you may have noticed that I have not posted a blog in a while. Instead, I have spent my time getting to know <a href="http://busigirl.blogspot.com/2010/10/matchy-matchy.html">someone</a> whose company I enjoyed. Dates, holidays, football games. And my lack of perspective left little time to write about anything relevant or interesting. Plus, he lived so far away, I was practically on vacation each weekend!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But have no fear dear readers, I am back to the keyboard with full force! And back to tennis, girls’ nights, weekend getaways that are actually vacations, and a greater dedication to my work. With a nudge of rejection, my priorities have again shifted and therefore, how and where I spend my time.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Surely there is a greater message here about maintaining balance in one’s life, not sacrificing a perfectly fine routine for silly hair twirling, not putting all of your eggs in one basket. But for me, finding a brilliant relationship is somewhat of a priority, so dramatically shifting my energy into something that seemed to have potential did not seem to be a waste of time. Plus I have a bad habit of jumping in to things.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">In its essence, dating is a painful experiment. It is laced with excitement and bliss, uncertainty and rejection, bad timing and misplaced priorities. But as my mom reminds me, and if you look at it in the right light, it is also a learning opportunity.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So now that it’s over, and with time on my hands, new priorities on my list, and many break-up free Wednesdays on the horizon, I am finding comfort in romantic poet Lord Byron who said, “Time is the corrector when our judgments err.”</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Garamond;"></span></div>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-82669405979484988892010-10-14T23:32:00.000-07:002010-10-14T23:32:00.208-07:00Matchy Matchy?<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This evening, I had to access my Gmail account, which I rarely ever use. And upon logging in, I found 280 profiles of men that eHarmony said would be a good match for me. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Yes, I have an eHarmony account. No, I am not a huge fan of online dating. And until tonight, I had forgotten that even had an active profile.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">One week before I left for my European adventure, and one week after my 30</span><sup><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">th</span></span></sup><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> birthday, I decided that I needed to put myself out into the dating world, and a coupon-bargain price for eHarmony seemed like just the ticket. So late that Friday afternoon, I gathered my employees into my office, made them help me answer all of the questions, and within an hour, presto! I was live in the world of online dating, fresh with six “matches of compatibility.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The next night I met a guy the old-fashioned way: at a party. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It’s the kind of universal karma I love: just when I feel the need to online date, the universe rewards me with not having to.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So we spent a wonderful Labor Day weekend together, and off I went to </span><st1:place w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Europe</span></st1:place><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Traveling around romantic European locales while high on a new love interest can’t be beat. We texted, we chatted. It was fun and new and exciting. I came home and we had another fabulously wonderful weekend together.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And then we got to know each other a bit more. And turns out, we have very little in common. He is conservative, I am liberal. He is religious, I practice the dharma of “be nice to people.” He likes the suburbs, I live in the city. He’s up early, I sleep in.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">But we have fun together, he holds my hand, and he makes me smile. And I kinda like him.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So as I logged on and quickly viewed a couple of the hundreds of Angeleno men who were “compatibility matched” for me by eHarmony – mostly liberal, “Other” religious, marathon runners - it made me wonder, “What really makes a good match for a relationship?” and, more importantly, “Is it better to date someone like you, or can opposites attract?”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Research tends to prove the former. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">"People prefer their own kind," says J. Philippe Rushton, a psychologist at the </span><st1:place w:st="on"><st1:placetype w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">University</span></st1:placetype><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> of </span><st1:placename w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Western Ontario</span></st1:placename></st1:place><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">. "Extroverts favor extroverts; traditionalists, traditionalists."<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And in a recent study, researchers from </span><st1:placename w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Cornell</span></st1:placename><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span><st1:placetype w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">University</span></st1:placetype><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">, </span><st1:city w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Berkeley</span></st1:city><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">, and the </span><st1:place w:st="on"><st1:placetype w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">University</span></st1:placetype><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> of </span><st1:placename w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Michigan</span></st1:placename></st1:place><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> concluded that, “Similarity is the rule and complimentarily is the exception.” They found that, “we are attracted to people who have similar attitudes and values because they validate what we believe, they are more likely to experience the same emotional reactions to the same situation, and they are more likely to react to the same situations in the same ways.”</span></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And although one of the most expansive studies on the topic, <a href="http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2005/02/attraction.aspx">performed at the University of Iowa and reported by the American Psychology Association</a>, found that couples who had, “</span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">more in common personality-wise (agreeableness, anxiety levels, extroversion), as opposed to attitude-wise (religion, politics), were more likely to be very happy and satisfied with their marriages,” </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">people generally tend to be with those who are “similar in attitudes, religion and values.” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So where does that leave me? I have never dated someone with such opposing views. But I also think it could make things interesting (and for this, I would be in the majority: a recent article in the</span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">journal</span></span></span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span></span><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Evolutionary Psychology</span></em><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">found that </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">85.7 percent of participants claim to want someone who has their opposite traits). </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Outside of all of the academia, I think I tend to agree more with marriage and family therapist </span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-sociability/201006/is-natural-compatability-overrated-">Isadora Alman’s position</a> t<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">hat the bigger question should be</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> n</span><span class="apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">ot “are we compatible?” but,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> “how good are you at negotiating?” and “how invested are you in always getting your own way?" These questions, she believes, are far better predictors of a happy time together.</span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">If both parties can respect the others’ views and be okay with the differences - then there is a good chance things could work out. And if not, then it would probably be too much of a challenge. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And I am an optimist - and he’s so very cute, and we do have a couple of other very important things in common, like country music, college football and … other things. So I in for giving it a whirl. And I will be sure to give him the space he needs to watch Fox News in private.</span><o:p></o:p></div>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-39518486760440884912010-10-05T19:14:00.000-07:002010-10-05T19:15:24.692-07:00Risky Business<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It is raining today and I love it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have a large bay window in my office and I am just staring out of it – listening to the raindrops and the busy Barham traffic sloshing through them. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Work seems to distract from my enjoyment of the rain, so instead I am getting caught up on my reading: <em>The Chronicle of Philanthropy</em>, a <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/30/technology/personaltech/30basics.html?_r=1"><em>New York Times</em> article </a>about LinkedIn and my favorite blog, <a href="http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/about-this-blog/">Penelope Trunk’s Brazen Careerist</a>. (For my job, this is considered working, but I always have a hard time justifying it).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I haven’t read Penelope’s blog for a while – I think she took a break from writing over the summer and I’ve been slow to catch up on her new posts. But she is an excellent writer and reading her blog inspires me to want to do the same. I have felt this way throughout my life: when I read something really good, it makes me want to write something really good. Which makes me think that I want to be a writer. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But getting that going often seems like a huge challenge – and counterintuitive to my nature. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Writing is risky. Ideas go from inside your head and out into the world. People read them and may judge you, or not agree with you, or know too much about you. You may spend hours on something that never finds the light of day. You may spend a weekend on something that no one likes. You might miss the window of relevance because you needed to prepare for the staff-wide business development meeting.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Writing also takes a lot of self-discipline. In order to be good at something, one must practice it again and again – and usually on some kind of regular basis. In theory, the idea </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">of a prescribed writing agenda sounds really good to me - but something else usually comes along to throw it off: dinner plans, a much-needed Spin class, <em>The Closer.</em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So suffice it to say: I am not a huge risk-taker and I have a very hard time practicing self-discipline. </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But I would really like to capture both of these ideals… as we all know, there is little reward without risk and few results without a little self-discipline. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Penelope has recently written about both of these challenges. In last week's, <a href="http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2010/09/29/how-to-take-intelligent-risks/">How to Take Intelligent Risks</a>, she concludes that trying something new isn’t really all that risky since humans are quite adept at positively </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">rationalizing an outcome - even if it’s not the one we expected. And that taking risks comes with only a small emotional cost: others are so concerned about what’s going on with them that they have little time to worry about whether or not you are suceeding.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">For a year Penelope also wrote extensively about what makes people happy. Interestingly, having self-discipline tops the list. But its elusiveness can also drive people mad. So her advice is to </span><a href="http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/07/08/how-to-have-more-self-discipline/"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">“find an easy re-entry point”</span></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"> and to give up on perfectionism, “the enemy of self-discipline.” For a Virgo, this line of thinking is also very risky. But this astrological attribute also comes with a gift for making plans and outlining beautiful to-do lists, which for me is a starting point for any project.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Based on circular logic, this all means that writing will help me take risks, realize self-discipline and achieve maximum happiness. Not a bad gig! So w</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">ith my writing tool box packed with a finely crafted road map, a fantastic skill for rationalizing, and an impeccable to-do list, I will give it a whirl.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And if it doesn’t work out, I will find a really great way to tell you why. And then make a list for how to achieve my next venture.</span>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-37756626937692394302010-09-27T17:23:00.000-07:002010-09-27T17:23:08.878-07:00Holiday Part One: Paris<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_P1XXK8yUqmg/TKEze2FSb9I/AAAAAAAAACY/0M-wV_2S-QU/s1600/parisphoto.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" px="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_P1XXK8yUqmg/TKEze2FSb9I/AAAAAAAAACY/0M-wV_2S-QU/s200/parisphoto.JPG" width="149" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am enjoying a holiday in Paris - and I was basically forced to come here.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Nine months ago I was seriously considering moving out of LA. My life was lacking a some <span style="color: black;">joie de vivre</span> and I was feeling pretty ... blah.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Work is the same! </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">No decent men to date! </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'll never be able to buy a house - much less a condo!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I needed a change. And moving to Portland was the best one I could come up with. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I thought about it for weeks (I knew it was serious when I subscribed to <a href="http://www.portlandmonthlymag.com/">Portland Monthly</a>) and then shared my grand plan with those who knew me best. In return I was given plenty of feedback, most of which translated to: bad idea.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You're just running away! </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Your business is in LA! </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Do you know it rains all year in Oregon?! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Most understood my need for change, but they suggested that, perhaps, it wasn't the city that was the issue (couldn't possibly be me?!) and that I should search for other avenues for significant change. I was given three palpable gems of advice for how to shake things up:</span><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Take a long vacation</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Get a new apartment</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Find a hobby (thanks, C!)</span></li>
</ul><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So here I sit in a Parisian cafe drinking wine, eating cheese and writing - and I totally see that they were right (and I was wrong?!). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">In Paris, things are a little different ... Lunch is a bigger deal than dinner, wine is cheaper than water, peeing in toilettes on the corner is normal, and long breaks from work is totally the norm (if not required by law).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So I think the French - and my business partner Bob - are definitely on to something: time away from the regular ebb and flow of life is somewhat of a necessity in order to avoid completely burning out.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I've never taken two weeks off of work - and not because I wasn't encouraged to do so. It was mostly because I thought there was some kind of honor in being continuously available to the needs of my business... </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Not checking email? Blasphemous! The office function without me? Doubtful! Business travel surely counts as getting away?!</span><br />
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</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But as I prepared to exit the country and leave my workload with my colleagues, I felt a wonderful sense of freedom. Unplugging from email, voicemail, payroll, billpay and client needs- and allowing others to take care of those things (or at least prep well enough so their work was minimal)- felt like a luxury. The idea of traveling abroad was almost secondary. I finally understood the idea du jour of needing time away from the daily grind, and appreciated the art of letting others provide support. Two life lessons in one two-week trip!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm sure that this vacation will not completely cure my addiction to working - when I get back I will still feel mildly guilty about taking a day off or asking for help with my workload - I am a career- driven American after all! - but I do think my mentality will be changed. And surely my job will not seem so much like "work" when a long vacation is the reward for a solid year of productivity.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, basically, I almost have my life figured out ... or I'm at least two-thirds of the way there (I also moved into a new apartment that I love). So once I find that much-needed hobby (possibly on my next stop in Italy?), I will be completely on track. </span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Here's to hoping the hobbies don't include daily wine drinking at noon or peeing in public.</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Au Revoir!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"><em>** Note: I am now home, but due to the lack of free wi-fi in Europe, I couldn't actually post these blogs while I was traveling!</em></span></div></div>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-4157847279187227052010-07-27T07:28:00.000-07:002010-07-27T07:29:25.211-07:00View from the Clouds<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I tend to blog a lot when I travel. I think this is because I am most inspired when I'm </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">away from the office and my "regular life."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am a very routined person, so of course I have my own personal travel rules that I </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">adhere to for each trip: carry on bags only, bring a sweater, a bottle of water and a </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Lara bar, sit as close to the front of the plane as possible, and ALWAYS choose a window </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">seat.</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The window seat - not generally known as the best seat in the house - is my most </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">important frequent flier staple, as I tend to have the best moments of </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">inspiration and creativity while staring out the window of a commercial jetliner.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">From this seat I have launched a new business, developed a book idea, resolved </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">relationships and found clarity on personal goals. A</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">lso from this alternative viewpoint I have seen much of America: the Grand Canyon, the </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">winding Mississippi River, the Colorado Rockies, sunsets that last for hours and </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">impending weather patterns that will be featured in the next day's news. I've imagined the </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">people who live on the perfectly circumferenced farmland I can see throughout the </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">midwest, whose lives must be so amazingly different from mine.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It is truly remarkable how different the world looks from 37,000 miles up- and this </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">noticeable change in perspective is necessary from time to time.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Many people see air travel as a means to an end: a vehicle to take them to their </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">destination. But I see it as more of a haven: a place to unplug, catch up on reading, </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">write, be creative. And my window seat is a sure bet into this unlikely Mecca.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Written from seat 20F, United Airlines flight 116 from Los Angeles to Chicago</em>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-26262331094553583582010-06-02T22:28:00.000-07:002010-06-02T22:28:06.664-07:00I Heart New York. And Portland and LA...<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I was going to write today about the dissolution of the marriage between <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/06/02/AR2010060202373.html?hpid=moreheadlines">Al & Tipper Gore</a>, a story which fascinates me to no end because they were a very interesting couple who were married for forty years - and now they are parting in a super amicable way that is quite modern (and surely beneficial for them both).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">But then I arrived, for business, in </span></span><st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://busigirl.blogspot.com/2009_06_01_archive.html">New York City</a></span></span></st1:place></st1:city><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> – to beautiful weather and an exciting vibe in the air – and I was reminded of how much I love it here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">This visit, I decided to stay in a different part of town (Soho/Greenwich Village) – and so far, this decision has paid off in spades.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">There is a vibe to this city like none other that I have visited: everyone is always moving with purpose, June weather can’t be beat, and no matter where you go, even on a Wednesday, there is some kind of interesting action.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I had an amazing meal – three courses at <a href="http://www.casamononyc.com/">Casa Mono</a>, a Mario Batali Spanish Tapas joint - and also enjoyed a fun conversation there (only half in English) with a family visiting from Venezuela; and then proceeded to have a wonderfully interesting chat with a Bulgarian/San Francisco implant at the outdoor bar at my hotel. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I’m sure I could live here and would love it. But I’ve had this epiphany in other cities as well...</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A few months ago, I seriously considered moving to Portland (Oregon), an appealing city that features a significantly lower cost of living, slower pace of life, public transportation and clever city planning, and a food scene that can’t be beat – and most importantly, a community of people whom I love: my sister, my best friend from college, my ex, a business mentor, and a few former Angelino friends.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">And I just came from a wonderful visit to </span></span><st1:city w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">San Antonio</span></span></st1:city><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">, where a fun encounter made me think that this sleepy </span></span><st1:state w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Texas</span></span></st1:place></st1:state><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> town could offer a way of life much different than what I have now.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">But as much as I love my visits to </span></span><st1:state w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">New York</span></span></st1:state><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> and </span></span><st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Portland</span></span></st1:place></st1:city><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> and San Antonio – and the myriad of cities in between - I truly love LA and my life there, and I know that I will probably be living in the City of Angeles for a while. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I arrived in </span></span><st1:city w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Hollywood</span></span></st1:city><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> eight years ago this month, one week after I graduated college from the </span></span><st1:place w:st="on"><st1:placetype w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">University</span></span></st1:placetype><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> of </span></span><st1:placename w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Oregon</span></span></st1:placename></st1:place><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> and with my then <a href="http://adamfitzhugh.com/home.html">actor-boyfriend</a>. And truly, I've had a wonderfully full experience:</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> I've started two businesses here, met wonderful people – many of whom will be life-long friends- fell in love with a stray cat, had my heart broken, experienced some crazy nights, seen more sports games, concerts and events to count, and helped shape the course of a young professionals board for a local <a href="http://lasbest.org/">non-profit organization</a>. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">So for better or for worse, Los Angeles is home. And really, it’s not a bad place to be.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">So tonight, rather than plot my course for moving to a new place, I raise a glass to the wonderful cities I’ve been able to visit in the in-between. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Thank god for travel. And </span></span><st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">New York City</span></span></st1:place></st1:city><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">.</span></span><o:p></o:p></div>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-73911652879764773322010-04-30T22:39:00.000-07:002010-04-30T22:39:31.034-07:00Let's Hear it for the Boys<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Tonight I had dinner and drinks with a guy I’ve know for a while – and in a couple different incarnations - who is a solid human being and really great friend. On the drive home, I had a moment of realization: I am so lucky to have such strong, intelligent and caring men in my life.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">So often, women (myself included) kvetch over the negative attributes that men bring into our lives: we cry and complain and curse and contemplate. We bond over their ability to cause us pain, frustration and general confusion. But in this moment, I am truly grateful for the wonderful men who make up a big part of my life; not only providing comfort and companionship, but also entertainment and general handiness.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">From my best friend who is one of the most talented and charismatic men I have ever met; whom I speak with daily, inspires me often, and allows me to experience a more leisurely, yet exhilarating way of life that is so contrary to my natural state.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">To my business partner and our superstar employee – both men and, for the record, in their 20’s and 30’s respectively – who keep me endlessly entertained and supported at work.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">From my ex, a brilliant creative, who at one time, both drove me crazy and taught me the meaning of love, and now keeps residence as a permanent member of my “family.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">To my actual male family members - my dad and young brothers - who are far away but so present in my heart and a significant part of who I am.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">From the comfortable, handsome intellectual who is so uncomplicated, but is always there when I need something a little more.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">To the mild affair I could never have, but nevertheless remains a supportive presence.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">These men are remarkably different in so many ways, but they share the similarity of being a part of my community and my heart. They have provided me an amazingly well-rounded education in the ways of the opposite sex, and have enriched my life in more ways than I can express.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I often have trouble sharing my deep affection for those closest to me, but tonight, in the most public way I know possible, I say thank you and much love. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I don’t know if these deep connections with great men are a commonality for most women, but for the good of all, I truly hope this is the case. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Let’s hear it for the boys.</span></span><o:p></o:p></div>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-23375325766159481682010-03-29T22:50:00.000-07:002010-03-29T22:50:57.093-07:00Jury Duty!<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am writing this blog post from the jury room at the <a href="http://www.lasuperiorcourt.org/Locations/ui/location.aspx?loc=CCB&">Clara Shortridge Foltz Criminal Justice Center</a> in downtown </span></span><st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Los Angeles</span></span></st1:place></st1:city><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">. I am waiting with about 200 other people to see if I will be selected on <o:p>to uphold the <a href="http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/data/Constitution/amendment06/">6th Amendment</a>.</o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The packed room includes a very diverse group of people: many cultures, several languages, businesspeople, students, retirees, “homemakers” (why is this term still relevant?) and even a familiar face: a fellow board member of <a href="http://www.lasbest.org/">LA’s BEST</a>. It intrigues me that so people from such different walks of life have been mandated to gather at the same place on the same day.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Yet most people are bitching about being here. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Which I understand because I have been hearing from people all week about what I can do to get out of this “situation” – just don’t go, lie when they ask you questions, tell them you are racist. Really? Is that what society (or perhaps just my social circle?) has come to: being dishonest to dodge a process that was founded to ensure that each person is provided due process?! If we were in the same place, wouldn’t we want the best possible people listening to our case? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Now don’t get me wrong, I understand the inconvenience of serving jury duty. At this moment, I have several active events happening at work and my business partner is on maternity leave. But I hardly think that I am so important that a couple days out of the office will materially affect the course of my business. And, unlike others in the room, I will still pull a paycheck if I actually have to sit on an active case. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Having said that, I still have my fingers crossed that I will be released at the end of the day, thus fulfilling my responsibility for an entire year. Because although I know I would be an excellent juror and would find the process very interesting, I am really not that virtuous (or crazy) that I am hoping to be selected - it would be a nuisance to be out of the office for an extended period of time, and God forbid the BDI team be left to their own devices for too long in beautiful summertime weather!</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">But if I am selected to serve, I will suck it up, be honest and perform to the best of my ability; not only it is a basic tenet of a <a href="http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/charters/constitution.html">democratic society</a>, but it is also an importance practice of the <a href="http://www.jcu.edu/philosophy/gensler/goldrule.htm">Golden Rule</a>. And certainly if I were on trial, I would hope that everyone does the same for me. </span></span><o:p></o:p></div>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-82556101750909821532010-03-18T22:24:00.000-07:002010-03-18T22:37:14.052-07:00I'd Rather Work than Date?<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Since my last serious relationship three years ago – and a rough, quick heartbreak shortly after – I have truly been more interested in working and having a fun single life than I was in looking for a mate. I loosely dated here and there, but never anything too serious, and without expending too much effort.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">And then, like biological clockwork, I recently realized that I was ready to be in a relationship again – perhaps settle down a bit and really invest some time with a significant other. And, in the most timely way possible with very little patience necessary, I met someone who was actually a great catch: smart, attractive, interesting, listened to NPR! And was thinking he was ready to settle down too. Man, I just love it when that happens!</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">So we went on a first date. And another and some more. And talked. And kissed. And it was fun and exciting and hopeful.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">And now, a few weeks and a touch of an emotional investment later, he’s back with his ex. And that my friends, is dating! I totally forgot that’s how it goes.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">What I have been more accustomed to in recent years are the rules of running a business. Make a to-do list; cross things off. Target new business prospects; fulfill their needs. Hire worthy employees; give them projects. Enter bills; invoice clients.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Of course in business, there is still some heartbreak and disillusionment, but it is much more measured and anticipated. Surely you cannot expect to land every client you pursue. Not all employees you hire will be superstars. There are times of financial uncertainty. Clearly there are good days and bad. But all in all, there are rules of engagement – and to me, it all makes sense and follows a generally predictable pattern.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">So really, right now, I’d rather work than date. It’s easier - and there is a greater chance of success.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">But there was a time, not long ago, when running my business was not so easy. It was unfamiliar and hard and forced me to learn new skills and new ways of doing things. I messed up and felt out of place and wasn’t always sure what I was doing. I cried and bitched and questioned my decisions.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Which kind of sounds like how I feel when I’m … dating.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">So maybe finding a mate isn’t much unlike running a business after all (many self-help authors have often made this claim). Maybe it's more likely that I am just at a different stage of the dating game than I am in the sport of business. Not that there aren’t still bad days and tough losses; but at least now I understand where it’s coming from and recognize that it’s par for the course. And I have the knowledge that one day, it just clicked and I found my groove.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">And I guess that is wherein the hope lies. As with building a company, there should be a day – hopefully in the not so distant future – when the rituals of dating will become easier and more familiar. That the bumps will become more tolerable and better navigated. That I will be as successful at it as I am in business.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Luckily, I’m a very fast learner.</span></span><o:p></o:p></p>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-54619127902310425682010-03-10T14:31:00.000-08:002010-03-10T14:41:46.122-08:00Is Marriage Still Relevant?<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Marriage has been on my mind in recent months. Not sure why since the news has been filled with reports of </span></span><a href="http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/popup?id=7893148"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">cheating politicians</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> (and Tiger), </span></span><a href="http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1957505,00.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">voters refusing to extend the right to gays and lesbians</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">, and a personal understanding of the affects of divorce. </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">And yet, the thoughts persist. Which is shocking news to me, as for most of my adult life I haven’t had much interest in joining the ranks of the blissfully bound.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Marriage is an institution that dates back to medieval times as a way to ensure the connection of well-to-do families. It also comes in handy for raising children – as two, bonded human adults can better care and provide for their offspring. And there was a time – not too long ago – where getting married was the epitome of success for young women in </span></span><st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">America</span></span></st1:place></st1:country-region><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">More modern times have seen marriage provide tax benefits, a big party where friends and family buy you gifts you specifically request, and also, according to </span></span><a href="http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Elizabeth Gilbert</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">, author of </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Eat, Pray, Love</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> and her most recent tome on marriage, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Committed</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">, “a giant sack of expectations” of your partner including, “best friend, romantic partner, someone who inspires you everyday, helps your career, co-parents with you, etc.”</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">So with all of these risks and expectations and outdated models of pair-bonding, why is it that all of a sudden the idea of marriage suddenly appeals to me? Perhaps that now, on the eve of my thirties, I am getting more settled, more interested in long-term planning and commitment. Maybe it represents a life that is more familiar to me as most of my friends are now married and having babies. Or maybe it’s a novelty that I have yet to experience.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">As for whether or not marriage is still relevant … the answer to that varies by individual and context. For society? Perhaps. Married people tend to be happier, healthier and more successful in life that us singletons. But for me does it provide a “significant and demonstrable bearing on the matter at hand”? Not really.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I’m quite certain that I can have a committed relationship, good health and myriad of success without matrimony. But some days, depending on the outcome of a date, the tug of my biological clock and/or the frequency with which I hang out with my married friends, it feels to be more significant than others.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">So while my mind is now open to the idea of nuptials, my heart knows that it isn’t a necessary course of action to define my relationship, prove my place in life or secure the course of my future. We’ll see what happens... have several steps to go before walking down the aisle: like finding a man who I could possibly tolerate spending “the rest of my life” with. And good luck with that!</span></span></p>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-90530726810668132562010-01-02T21:59:00.000-08:002010-01-02T22:27:45.530-08:00Dating in the MeantimeI recently re-watched one of my favorite movies of 2009: <em><a href="http://www.foxsearchlight.com/500daysofsummer/">500 Days of Summer</a></em>. It just came out on DVD and is a must see for anyone who is a member of the modern dating world.<br /><br />The movie is non-chronological telling of the number of days spent between beautiful, independent Summer and disillusioned, love-struck Tom. But more importantly, it’s a spot-on look at the makings, breakings and intimacies of what I call a “meantime relationship.”<br /><br />This is a situation I understand well: I’m pretty sure I’ve spent more time in a meantime relationship than in a proper one – and on both sides. But what the movie clarified for me is something that I have known all along, but sometimes forget: when things are indefinable for an extended period of time, a long-term relationship does not follow.<br /><br />A “meantime relationship,” as chronicled in <em>500 Days</em> has several markers of a regular relationship – a real connection, physical attraction, a solid friendship, invested feelings, intimate relations. But what it generally lacks is one side being invested enough to make it a full-fledged, let’s give this a whirl, venture.<br /><br />And it usually begins by one saying to the other, “I’m not looking for anything serious."<br /><br />One may wonder why these relations are pursued when they are founded on such lackluster beginnings. I think it’s because there is a genuine affection, some seratonin kicks in, and it’s nice to have to have someone to hang out with - surely there must be the possibility of something more?! Even though the pieces don't add up to the whole, there’s still enough good in the situation to stick around and see what could happen.<br /><br />But eventually – somewhere around Day 80 - frustration sets in. In the movie, an uncertain Tom asks Summer what they “are” – friends or a couple? And, she responds, “Why do you feel a need to put a label on things?”<br /><br />Which is what people say when they know that their label won't correlate to your label. Because for the most part, we revolve around universally understood levels of relationships, generally fitting into one of the following categories:<br /><ul><li><u><strong>Platonic Friends</strong>:</u> Men who fall into this category include husbands and boyfriends of your girlfriends, co-workers, gay men and other males with whom you have absolutely no attraction, but still enjoy their company.</li><li><strong><u>A Crush:</u></strong> You are interested in him, or he in you, but one of you is absolutely not interested in pursuing the relationship further, and it ends there. Unless, you move into…</li><li><u><strong>Friends with Benefits:</strong></u> A ritual as old as time and a sure bet when certain needs must be met. Both parties are physically attracted to each other, but for whatever reason, neither has any intentions to take things to the next level. Note: this category ONLY works if you truly don’t have urges to be properly….</li><li><strong><u>Dating: </u></strong>Both parties are physically attracted to each other and want to pursue things further, which is made clear to each other and the world by monogamous behavior, regular patterns of meals and outings, shared intimacy, plus communicated feelings that both parties may one day be interested in having a….</li><li><strong><u>Committed Relationship:</u></strong> This serious, long-term venture often involves living together and the assumption that one day marriage and/or family could be possible (or has already taken place).</li></ul><p>Meantime relationships fall somewhere between <em>friends with benefits</em> and <em>dating</em>, and have the distinct characteristic of one person understanding the relationship to be within one category, while the other sees it as another. While navigating this modern dating world, it may take a while to fully understand which category your relationship falls within - or to realize that the one you’re in isn’t where you want to be.<br /><br />At the end of the movie, Tom asks Summer how she knew her new guy was the one for her. She quietly replied, “I woke up and knew… what I was never sure of with you.”<br /><br />Ouch. The sold-out Arclight crowd literally gasped in pain. But for me, it verbalized in one sentence what I have intuitively known, and have occasionally tried to ignore: most of the time, you just aren’t “the one.”<br /><br />And that's okay - at one time or another, most people won't be until they are. And there are lots of things to be learned in the meantime. The trick is to learn before too much is invested. </p>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-43399518067424688482009-12-23T10:40:00.000-08:002009-12-23T10:51:39.509-08:00All Growed Up<p>I’ve had a very busy month. This generally happens to most people in December, as it is filled with shopping, travel, wrapping up at work, packing and holiday partying it up. In my frenzied-ness, I’ve put off many of the normal day-to-day duties like grocery shopping, car washes and laundry – my clothes, sheets, blankets and towels have been dying for bath for a good three weeks now. Yikes.<br /><br />And since I am leaving tomorrow for Christmas with mom, I had no choice but to spend my last night in town hunkered down at the neighborhood Laundromat to get it done. I’m personally laundering 12 loads while watching the Idol holiday special on the 19” TV and chatting with the attendant – yes, this is the glamorous life.<br /><br />The smart thing to do would have been to take my clothes to the dry cleaner to have them fluffed and folded. I considered this, but decided that I didn’t want my dry cleaner checking out my underwear – not all of them are as cute as I would like to imagine. So in vanity, I sacrificed an entire evening to retain the safety of someone not knowing that I occasionally wear stretched-out pink cotton briefs.<br /><br />So here is what I’ve taken away from this experience: if you own underwear that you don’t want others to see, get rid of them. It feels like a very grown-up thing to do. And as I’ve been thinking more about my list of New Year’s resolutions, some other mature to do’s have been on my mind as well. They include:<br /><br /><strong><u>Wooden Hangers<br /></u></strong>A friend of mine swears that one should only have a closet full of wooden hangers. They are the best accessory to properly maintain your clothes – and their presence is a daily reminder that you are taking care of the things you own. Since my closet is half-filled with dry-cleaner wire hangers, it will probably cost me a fortune to check this one off the list – but probably well worth the investment.<br /><br /><strong><u>Earthquake Kit</u></strong><br />I live in Los Angeles and an earthquake at some point is inevitable. The responsible thing for us Angelenos to do is be prepared with <a href="http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-disaster17sep17-side,0,2504371.htmlstory">“kit”</a> that includes an emergency action plan, cash, water and canned goods. My ex always included a motorcycle in this plan (for driving through the desert to safety, of course), but I think I will be okay with a pair of old tennis shoes in the trunk of my car. And for those of you not in Los Angeles, this plan seems necessary for any of other run-of-the-mill natural disasters or emergencies.<br /><br /><strong><u>How/When to Say No</u><br /></strong>I am a people pleaser by nature and I love being helpful. So I often say “Yes!” when someone asks me if I can help with something. But I am starting to get the sense that saying no is not only okay to do, but it is often quite necessary. And my gut seems to confirm this idea: almost every time I do something that I really don’t want to be doing, I get an overwhelming feeling of being unsettled – probably recognizing that I am prioritizing my life around someone else’s needs. So when someone asks me, “Can you ____________?” I am going to play a game called: Is this something that is important to me to help out with? And if the answer is no, I am going to try really hard to vocalize that.<br /><br /><strong><u>Cash Savings</u></strong><br />For years, I have been listening to <a href="http://www.suzeorman.com/index.cfm">Suze Orman </a>advise women that they should have eight months of living expenses squirreled away in a liquid savings account. I am not a huge saver, so every time I read it I thought, “How in the world would I be able to save that much money?” Well, I’ve determined that it is eventually possible and in this economic environment, it’s probably a good idea. Knowing me, I will probably end up spending it on a trip to Italy, but at least I will have proven to myself that I am able to save.<br /><br />So on my short list of resolutions, I’ve decided I’m saying no to obligation, multiple loads of laundry, wire hangers and being unprepared for an emergency. And yes to a very grown up New Year. I hope you will too!<br /></p>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-71582003561576093822009-12-17T20:37:00.000-08:002009-12-17T20:47:37.989-08:00Dream a little dream...I recently had a dream about a life that wasn’t mine.<br /><br />It was quite nice and featured a wonderfully loving relationship with a really great man – the kind of man that women really do dream about: handsome, successful, loving, funny, smart, completely connected. There was giddy fun, meals accentuated with great wine and long chats. I felt safe, loved and challenged.<br /><br />And then I woke up. And I spent the day mourning the life I had a quick glimpse of.<br /><br />And now that dream has really got me thinking. For years I’ve enjoyed my independence and my almost selfish regard for crafting a life that allows me to do what I want when I want. I’ve always been slightly skeptical of marriage and not 100% sure that I would have children, and I've never truly understood women who have singular intentions to achieve these things -certainly there are more important life goals like crafting a fulfilling career, exciting travel, sleeping in on the weekends, nights out, and fun men in the wings.<br /><br />Don’t get me wrong: I really do like my life. It’s full and flexible and self-reliant. It includes close friends and a cat and a successful business. But now something has shifted slightly - and makes me think I’m ready to take a chance that will add something new. My Dream Dictionary says that “to dream of love/loving/being loved suggests … that you have a need to bring more of what characterized that relationship into your waking life.”<br /><br />I think Jungian theory may be right on this one.<br /><br />Surely one dream wont completely change my mentality; but that experience, coupled with the realization that I’m turning 30 this year, that it’s been almost three years since my last serious relationship and that the majority of my friends are coupled and procreating, has got me thinking about the future – and speculating that I might be ready to find that person to share it with. <br /><br />It’s an exciting proposition. And with any luck he will also love sleeping late on Sundays, good food and wine, Oregon football, neurotic cats – and me.BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-20284702993579299002009-11-22T18:18:00.000-08:002009-11-22T19:01:49.352-08:00The Way to Eat<p>Throughout my life, I have been on many diets – or eating plans as I prefer to call them – trying to find the most efficient and pleasant way to balance one of my favorite things, eating, with the ever-pressing need to maintain a healthy body and svelte-ish figure.<br /><br />It started in high school when I became a vegetarian. Then after college and the requisite weight gain I became a calorie counter and lost 40 pounds over two years. From there I went dairy-free and then moved into the most Draconian of them all: raw. This last eating plan (which I actually really enjoyed) lasted a mere six-weeks and ended dramatically when my doctor told me I was anemic.<br /><br />At that point, I think I’d had enough calorie counting, food choice monitoring and <a href="http://www.erewhonmarket.com/retailer/store_templates/shell_id_1.asp?storeID=D75C352CBF6F4DDEAC31FE4AA9F34525">Erewhon</a>-shopping, and fell into the much easier and far more exciting All-American eating plan called “I’m going to eat whatever I want!” Which was super fun and liberating – until the eventual realization that I’d gained 10 pounds eating our All-American shit. I also felt pretty crappy.<br /><br />After that wake up call, I quickly sprang into action – headed back to the gym, ate and drank less and monitored my calories. But the most exciting outcome was that I realized I needed to become more connected to the whole practice of eating once and for all.<br /><br />It was during my raw-foods period that I really began to think more thoughtfully about food: what exactly it is, where it comes from, and how it’s produced. As with anything I'm interested in, I dove in head first, doing a lot of reading and research. </p><p>I became familiar with philosophies of the “real food” movement gurus including <a href="http://www.michaelpollan.com/about.php">Michael Pollan </a>(<em>In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto</em> and The <em>Omnivore’s Dilemma</em>), <a href="http://www.foodincmovie.com/">Eric Schlosser </a>(Food, Inc.), <a href="http://www.chezpanissefoundation.org/">Alice Waters </a>(Food Activist and Owner of Chez Panisse) and <a href="http://www.inc.com/magazine/20090701/bill-nimans-next-move.html">Bill Niman </a>(Sustainable Rancher and Owner of BN Ranch), and tuned in to more mainstream media reports about organics, the slow food movement, and “eating green” by reducing meat intake.<br /><br />And so I learned what constitutes high-fructose corn syrup (cheap, Government-subsidized corn in a super-sweet liquid form) and its contribution to modern day nutrition (its empty calories make us fat and increase our sugar cravings); how the chicken breast arrived on my salad (an unfortunate chick endures a horrible life at a cramped slaughterhouse, is pumped with hormones and fed a diet it would not eat in nature, is then inhumanely plucked, killed and butchered and packaged and shipped all across the country in a semi-truck); how food producers easily dupe us into thinking that food products - like GoGurt and Kraft Singles – are actually real food (FDA regulations no longer require them to label foods as “imitation” if they are chemically altered); and the negative side effects of food dyes and additives (Red Food Dye #40 may contribute to <a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2008/06/03/couricandco/entry4151130.shtml">hyperactivity, restlessness, and attention problems in some children</a>).<br /><br />Um... no thank you.<br /><br />When you really think about the myriad of non-natural things that make up the food we put into our bodies, it really starts sounding quite awful – and certainly can’t be healthy. Fifty years of food innovation and chemistry have created a separation of what is food and what is a slick combination of chemicals, dyes and preservatives. It can only take an industry so far, and for this now-educated eater, it has gone far enough.<br /><br />So I am reverting back to the “retro” eating plan employed by anyone born before 1950 – one that comes from our earth (not a lab!) and offers nutrients, complex flavors and useful fuel for the body.<br /><br />And it looks like this: </p><ul><li>Eat only unmodified, whole foods that are grown on this earth; and combination foods that have very short ingredients lists that are understandable and recognizable. As Michael Pollan says, "Don't eat anything that can't rot.")</li><li>Eat fewer servings of meat and fish. When possible, these meats should come from farms and ranches that use sustainable methods, use no hormones or antibiotics, feed animals their natural diets, and treat animals with dignity.</li><li>Eat foods with no artificial flavors, colors, preservatives or derivatives – this includes most fast food, processed food, any unnaturally colored food and high fructose corn syrup. </li></ul><p>This “diet” is the most natural – and responsible – of all, and really it’s not that hard to do. It is basically reverting back to the native diet of our ancestors; the way people have been eating for generations before we were blessed with food chemistry and its cheap and abundant offspring.<br /><br />And because the "bad" stuff gets ruled out and is replaced with the more satisfying, healthy stuff, this idea works as a natural weight-management tool as well.<br /><br />So although I will miss the convenience of grab-and-go food, Splenda in my coffee, and Diet Coke and Baked Lays with my Subway 6" Veggie, I am more excited to be fueling my body with the real things it craves.<br /><br />This realization has also put an end to my twelve-year "eating plan” experiments: turns out all I need to do is eat like a normal human. </p>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-41111839560722882282009-11-11T20:08:00.000-08:002009-11-11T20:20:45.544-08:00Change Your Perspective, Change Your Business LifeAs I’ve mentioned before, <a href="http://busigirl.blogspot.com/2009/05/call-me-crazy-i-love-business-travel.html">I love traveling for work</a>. I feel a distinct sense of purpose and freedom: I get to be out of the office, but I’m also taking care of necessary business. It is also my favorite time to catch up on business reading – and many of the ideas I come across when 33,000 feet up seem to sink in more deeply than when perused on the couch.<br /><br />Case in point: four years ago, on an <a href="http://busigirl.blogspot.com/2009/03/miles-points-and-perks.html">American flight </a>from LAX-NYC, I was reading this article in <a href="http://www.entrepreneur.com/magazine/entrepreneur/2006/may/160028.html"><em>Entrepreneur</em> </a>when I had the idea that became my second business. I launched The Modern Concierge a year later and I remember that moment of insight as if it were yesterday (and to this day, I always choose a window seat on all flights).<br /><br />Today I was thrilled to have a similar experience. On another American flight, I was reading <a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.inc.com"><em>Inc.</em> (November issue)</a>, and came to the recurring segment, <a href="http://www.inc.com/magazine/20091101/the-way-i-work-jason-fried-of-37signals.html?nav=mostpopular">“The Way I Work,” </a>this month featuring Jason Fried, founder of <a href="http://37signals.com/">37Signals</a>. The three-page article, as told to Liz Welch, outlined his typical workday and overall work philosophy - and rocked my world.<br /><br />Fried describes the way he works as “less is more,” without implying that “more is better.” He neither believes in the necessity of a 40-hour workweek, nor knows how many hours his employees actually work. And he doesn’t seem to care – as long as the work gets done. I had a moment of pure connection with his way of thinking - and it filled me with as much excitement as the moment I had my new business idea years before.<br /><br /><a href="http://busigirl.blogspot.com/2009/06/who-needs-regular-job.html">From the day I began working at age 16</a>, I’ve correlated hours spent at the office to levels of perceived productivity. And my brain’s been stuck in that outdated paradigm ever since. Even as a business owner – which one would suspect comes with a certain level of flexibility?! - I never truly altered my idea about what a workday should, or could, look like.<br /><br />And now, with a glimpse of how someone else manages his time and business, which intuitively feels more natural and resourceful (and has successful outcomes!), I am empowered to try something fresh. Implementing this “new” philosophy may just be the change I’ve been craving – and will hopefully more fully connect me to my job, my company and my life.<br /><br />So, once again thanks to a business magazine, I've found my new business idea for the year. And I have a sense that this one may actually be more successful and longer lasting that the last – plus come with the added bonus of making me more efficient with my time overall.BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-2363151575299840882009-09-07T16:31:00.000-07:002009-09-08T18:20:32.860-07:00Old FlamesFor the last two weeks Los Angeles has been surrounded by terrible <a href="http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-angeles-fire,0,5292469.story">forest fires</a>. More than 155,000 acres have burned with thousands of firefighters from all over the west coast working around the clock to protect our communities. And those brave men and women are slowly, but surely, making progress.<br /><br />It is not a pleasant scenario. But for me, the fire season always triggers a trip down relationship memory lane – reminding me of the men who have been an integral part of my life and the role they have played in shaping who I have become.<br /><br />And mostly because my first love – and possibly the first guy to love me – is a firefighter. He is married and still lives in the town we grew up in; and we haven’t been in touch for a long time. But I was there when he decided to devote his career to fighting fires, and without fail, when a big fire erupts in Southern California, I turn my thoughts to him and wonder how he is doing, who he has grown up to become, and if he might be just around the corner, fighting the fires that threaten the city I now call home.<br /><br />Since I am still single, it is often easier to remember all of the nonsense that happens during years of dating. But tonight, while looking at the full plume of smoke hovering on the horizon, I have sweet thoughts of the 15 years of men - beginning with the firefighter - who have been a part of my life.<br /><br />None of these guys was the “the one” for me, but much of what I know about loving another and what that involves, I learned from them. What they have given me in life experience, friendship, and lessons learned is invaluable for recognizing the right one when he comes along. A small part of each of them is intrinsic to who I have become and how I approach dating – and no matter the circumstance of how it ended, they all have a special place in my heart.<br /><br />So wherever my old friend is tonight – whether back home in Vegas or over the hill fighting the Station Fire that has consumed LA, I wish him – and the others - well and take a moment to be thankful for all they have contributed to my life.BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-1125844944534605472009-06-25T21:13:00.000-07:002009-06-25T21:20:14.396-07:00Who Needs a "Regular" Job?I am sitting in the middle of Bryant Park in New York City writing this blog post – really channeling my inner Carrie Bradshaw – when I realize that this place is packed, and it’s Thursday at 2:30pm. Too late for the lunch crowd, too cloudy for the tourists. Who are all these people? What are they doing? And shouldn’t they be at work?<br /><br />This is the same feeling I have when I get out of my office on a weekday and cruise by Santa Monica beach, visit The Grove, or get stuck in traffic. How it is that so many people are out in the world, rather than sitting behind their computer at the office?<br /><br />While it’s possible that these folks may be enjoying a personal day, traveling to a meeting, or running errands during a lunch break, I think it's more likely confirmation of my inkling that not many people in LA work “regular jobs.”<br /><br />Of course a “regular job” is the kind that I’ve had my entire life – and generally includes driving to an office building at the same time every morning and working in front of a computer for 8-10 hours a day, five days a week.<br /><br />Certainly there are many people who have jobs like this – probably the majority of the workforce - but when I think of the lives of my friends who don’t – the actors, musicians, moms, writers, trainers, etc – I often feel slightly envious of what seems to be a glamorous and carefree living. No schedules! Sleeping in! Something new every day! A regular job seems bland and rigid in comparison.<br /><br />So as I sit here writing, wondering what life would be like if I could sit everyday in a sunny park in a far away city and make a living, I consulted a few friends who have “not regular” jobs to see if it’s all it’s cracked up to be. From what I can gather, there are three major downsides:<br /><br /><ul><li><strong><em>A Severe or Nil Schedule:</em></strong> Many of these professions include a schedule that has a furious work schedule – up to 16 hours a day – and then…. nothing. Insane work hours highlighted by periods of none. </li><li><strong><em>Not Steady Income:</em></strong> A fluctuating work schedule lends to an erratic revenue stream – making loads of money punctuated by making none. This means that you must be a good saver or financial strategist on order to maintain a steady lifestyle year-round.</li><li><strong><em>Self Discipline Needed:</em></strong> When the confines of being responsible to others and collaborating as a team are removed, all that is left to rely on your success is…. You! Without a sincere and directed amount of willpower, success is harder to achieve. And as I think more about it, this trait is probably the main difference between my freelance friends who are successful and those who are just getting by.</li></ul><p>I have self-discipline – but really only in bursts – and I’m not a great saver. I also need to share my successes and struggles, for which I rely on my co-workers and business partners, who reside in my office building.<br /><br />So while it would be great to sleep in every day, head to the beach on a whim, or work furiously at 3 am, I feel that I might be better suited for a “regular” job. Now, more than ever, the conventional routine of people relying on me, an office desk to coordinate from and a bi-monthly paycheck seem rather reassuring. But hopefully one day I will be in a position where I can comfortably embrace some of the more enchanting aspects of a free-lancing lifestyle. <br /><br />Thank god I am getting some experience “working” here in Bryant Park.</p>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-84846669620887663972009-06-06T11:51:00.000-07:002009-06-06T12:02:45.099-07:00I Own a Cat...<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_P1XXK8yUqmg/Siq807ZNKLI/AAAAAAAAABk/w4JsapBY27E/s1600-h/photo.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5344291525311146162" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 150px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_P1XXK8yUqmg/Siq807ZNKLI/AAAAAAAAABk/w4JsapBY27E/s200/photo.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>I have been warned repeatedly by my friends not to talk/write about my cat. This advice has surfaced often in conversations pertaining to first dates, facebook profiles and framed photos on my office desk.<br /><br />However, this month’s <a href="http://omagonline.com/get_the_issue.html">Oprah magazine </a>- devoted to humans’ love for animals – featured several articles about people talking about their pets. This included a <a href="http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200906-omag-pets-cats">brief article </a>by senior editor and fellow cat owner, Jessica Winter, who owns a cat that looks and acts much like my darling Peaches.<br /><br />So if Oprah and her senior editor can espouse their love for their pets, I feel I can buck the wisdom of my friends and take a moment to express my deep affection for my darling Peaches.<br /><br />Especially since I am the most unlikely person to love a cat.<br /><br />I grew up severely allergic to the two cats that took up residence in our home – both rescues that recognized my aversion to their place in my house and treated me accordingly. But my mom and sister loved them – and they needed good homes! - so really I had no choice. I blamed them for just about everything including my perpetual stuffy nose, the occasional smell of cat pee, and not being able to wear black.<br /><br />I thought I would forever be “not a cat person” - until two summers ago – and three months to day that my ex-boyfriend moved out of my apartment - when a gorgeous little kitty began camping out in my apartment complex.<br /><br />I was struck by her size – so small, but not a kitten – and her beauty: she is truly the prettiest cat I had ever seen. The entire apartment complex was taken with her and everyone tried to take her in. But she had a little issue getting along with other animals – she actually tried to attack them- and as the only non-pet owner, she obviously considered me her last hope for a good home.<br /><br />She arrived at my porch, hungry and meowing, and being the over-nurturing person that I am, I fed her tuna – everyone needs to eat! – and wished her all the best at finding a home. But a couple nights later, feeling a little lonely, I left the door open and left our relationship to fate. Two minutes later she was sitting on my couch purring uncontrollably – and she’s been there ever since.<br /><br />She hasn’t been the easiest cat to love – in addition to a fierce attitude, she has liver and heart conditions that require two daily medications and annual EKGs, she pees in the plants when she’s mad, and refuses to be held for more than a few seconds. But when I come home, she greets me at the door with a loud hello, sits with me while I eat dinner and brings a presence to my house that makes it feel like a home.<br /><br />So although I sometimes wish that Peaches would conform to the traditional cat roles of curling up in my lap, playing nicely with other pets and sleeping for most of the day, I actually appreciate her more because she refuses to do so. She lives and loves in her own terms.<br /><br />Which kind of reminds me of someone else I know... funny how animals seem to find owners of the same breed. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div>BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-63106565564123002842009-05-28T17:25:00.000-07:002009-05-28T17:47:59.543-07:00Supporting Prop 8: Poor Business Practice?This week the California Supreme Court <a href="http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-prop8-decision27-2009may27,0,6677891">upheld Proposition 8</a>, a state constitutional ban on same-sex marriage that was decided by voters last November in the California general election. Not only does this sadly remind me that not all Californians share equal rights, but it also creates an interesting discussion surrounding workplace diversity.<br /><br />The Yes on Prop 8 Campaign (favoring a ban on same-sex marriages) raised more than $38 million in campaign contributions, and of that, more than $7.2 million was donated by businesses (which I defined as a donation made by an organization that employs workers) from a variety of professions including lawyers, dentists, construction companies, even a preschool.<br /><br />The fact that almost one-fifth of the campaign was funded by business dollars made me wonder:<br />when an employer publicly asserts his or her position on a certain issue – especially a fiercely debated one with religious underpinnings such as Prop 8 – is that considered workplace discrimination? Or just poor business practices?<br /><br />Contributions to political campaigns in California are very public statements about one’s position on an issue. Due to donor disclosure laws enacted by <a href="http://www.fppc.ca.gov/index.html?id=51">California’s Political Reform Act of 1974</a>, all contributions of more than $100 are made public - and information including the donor’s name, address, company and industry are required to process the payment. So for a business to donate money to a political campaign, its owners must feel strongly about the issue – as they must be willing to deal with the ramifications that could come with it.<br /><br />Many businesses including the Manchester Grand Hyatt, the famous El Coyote restaurant in Hollywood and Urban Outfitters, learned this the hard way by being placed on widely-circulated <a href="http://www.afterellen.com/node/39787">boycott lists</a> and experiencing deteriorating public images – with the hotelier hiring a crisis management consultant and the restaurant manager holding a press conference.<br /><br />By contrast, companies who publicly opposed Proposition 8 – including public utilities company <a href="http://pge.com/">PG&E</a>, which donated $250,000, and <a href="http://www.apple.com/">Apple</a>, which donated $100,000 (and was among the first California companies to offer equal rights and benefits employees’ same-sex partners) - are seen as industry leaders that value equality for their employees and customers. Both companies noted that their donations were made as part of their overall commitment to diversity, which they see as essential to workplace morale, innovative ideas and a strong bottom-line.<br /><br />Publicly supporting a law that limits the rights of a specific group does not qualify as job discrimination – but when workplace tolerance is violated, not only do employees suffer, but in the long run, so does the company.<br /><br />In essence, it’s bad for business.BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-90873034674938937322009-05-25T22:20:00.000-07:002009-05-25T22:34:24.928-07:00Real Estate: A Measure of Success?I rent. And I like it.<br /><br />When my AC needs a new HEPA filter, or when the neighbor's sprinkler repeatedly ruins my car wash – both of which happened this week – I don’t have to deal with it. I make a call and it’s someone else’s job to fix it. Not to mention that at any moment, I can move!<br /><br />However, over the years, I’ve had a nagging sense that because I own a business, I should own a home. My two business partners own their residences and my 22-year old employee just made an offer on a condo. And many of my entrepreneur friends and corporate executive-types own homes – and we all live in Los Angeles, <a href="http://images.businessweek.com/ss/08/09/0909_expensive_realestate/index.htm">one of the most expensive real estate markets in the country.</a><br /><br />Owning real estate exudes fiscal responsibility, maturity and realizing the American Dream. Really a measure of how well you’ve made it in the world. Does this mean I have not?<br /><br />And is this concept still true? In this time of decreased home values, massive foreclosures and borrowing more than we can afford, is owning real estate as sexy as it used to be?<br /><br />Most people I know are still on the ownership bandwagon:<br /><br />“Real estate is still the best investment you will ever make.”<br /><br />“Renting is like throwing money down the drain.”<br /><br />“I’m in Escrow!” (heard three times this week)<br /><br />Hmmm…<br /><br />But last weekend I spoke to someone who's on my side of the fence. A successful set decorator for feature films, she has owned a home for a few years. She bought in an “up and coming” area – which fortunately came up as hip – and isn’t upside down in her mortgage or in over her head. But finances aside, she brought up a point that hit home for me; one that went beyond status and into obligation.<br /><br />“As a single woman, owning a home is that much more of a commitment. You only have your self and your income or savings to rely on. If the plumbing goes out, or the tree falls over, I am the only one around to take care of it. And this additional responsibility can be overwhelming at times.”<br /><br />She knew her house was a great investment and she truly loved her home, but she often wondered if owning continued to be the right choice for her. And it made me feel so much better: Who wants to be responsible when the pipes need to be snaked, the weeds need to be plucked and the termites take up residence? Certainly not me. At this point, I feel I have enough on my plate in remembering to leave a key for the housekeeper, water my plants and check the mail (note to self: remember to do these things asap).<br /><br />It has taken me three years of contemplation, an economic downturn and one late night chat with a friend to realize that owning real estate is not the powerful gauge of achievement that I once obsessed over. For some it is a smart choice, and for others not so much. So I will continue to own my business and rent my home.<br /><br />And hopefully, one day soon, the truly important things in life – like being kind, honest, and gracious with your time and talents - will be the first things I/we think of when contemplating the measure of success.BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-74185932804000988072009-05-17T20:47:00.000-07:002009-05-17T21:39:47.206-07:00Call Me Crazy: I Love Business TravelI love to travel for business. I enjoy visiting new places, returning to favorite cities like New York and DC, and meeting with clients I don't see very often. But I think what I like most about business travel is the opportunity to experience quality alone time. <br /><br />This love affair began in my early 20’s with my first out-of-state event. The gala was in Washington, DC and required three LA staff to oversee the project. My orders were to meet my two co-workers at the venue at noon on the day of the event - and how I got there, where I stayed and what I did with the rest of my time was up to me. These two particular co-workers (now my business partners) had very particular travel preferences – certain habits, airlines, hotels, friends to visit – and they figured that I too had my own.<br /><br />I didn’t. So for my first business trip, I was left to fend for myself. At the time it seemed a little scary, but now I realize what a gift I'd been given.<br /><br />My travel planning wasn't stellar – I chose the worst airport and airline, stayed in the wrong part of town and didn't understand the metro - but I had a fantastic time in the city by myself. I flew alone, ate alone, and made my own schedule. Besides the actual "work" part of the trip, no one knew me, cared what I was doing, or was expecting anything from me. I could do whatever I wanted - and it was liberating.<br /><br />This week I traveled back to DC to oversee that same annual gala – and celebrate the sixth anniversary of my first business trip. Years later, still fending for myself, I continue to love the freedom that comes with traveling alone – and I eventually created my own travel <a href="http://busigirl.blogspot.com/2009/03/miles-points-and-perks.html">preferences.</a> My favorite rule: don’t make any specific plans. I leave my schedule open so I can partake in whatever suits my mood: stay in and order room service and a movie, go to a concert, visit a museum, indulge in Restaurant Week.<br /><br />My sixth annual trip turned out to be one of my favorites. Nothing extraordinary happened – I worked a flawless event, ate a great meal, had an intriguing conversation with an international architect and met an up-and-coming DC chef - but it reminded me of how much I love to travel by myself and how thankful I am that my job – and my clients – afford me this opportunity.<br /><br />If you haven’t experienced traveling solo – for business or for pleasure – I expressly recommend it. It’s kind of like living by yourself: everyone should try it at least once in their lives to really understand who you are when alone. <br /><br />My recent trip also leads me to an update of an earlier post: <a href="http://busigirl.blogspot.com/2009/03/miles-points-and-perks.html">Miles, Points & Perks</a>. After an amazing stay at the <a href="http://www.hotelpalomar-dc.com/">Hotel Palomar </a>(a Kimpton property) and hassle-free, enjoyable flights on <a href="http://alaskaair.com/">Alaska Airlines</a>, I’ve decided to end my six year relationship with American Airlines and Hilton Hotels.<br /><br />The benefits of their “Loyalty Programs” just no longer perk me up. I've decided that I am willing to give up a free flight, a free hotel night and occasional upgrades for better service, free wi-fi, L’occitane products, hipper digs and a concierge who helped me enjoy my stay.<br /><br />Because traveling solo is an adventure right? And staying with the same airlines and hotels has not only become disappointing, but also far too predictable.<br /><br />Happy Travels!BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4410058813660977233.post-46113283063415215062009-04-26T22:39:00.000-07:002009-04-26T23:00:33.471-07:00Relative ProductivitySo…it’s been two weeks since my last post – and yesterday, finally, I was truly feeling on board with my new mentality – and moving forward on the aforementioned journey. I was having one of those days where I was really on – I was embarking on a weekend without any plans and I woke up early (highly unusual on a Saturday), went to multiple markets to purchase healthy groceries for a week’s worth of meals, hiked <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Beachwood</span> canyon and ran a work errand –hooray!<br /><br />Then I arrived home from my industrious day, and was on my way to further productivity – reading a new business book – when I caught the beginning of “Almost Famous” and poured myself a glass of wine. It was 5pm.<br /><br />Now, I was really into my movie and my Shiraz – and I was remembering how great movies can be and how cool it is that I can enjoy a Saturday night home alone. And by the time I knew it, I had finished the bottle, moved on to <em>Sex and The City</em> reruns, and sent uncertain texts to girlfriends. By 9pm. How did it go downhill so quickly?<br /><br />I am mildly shocked about this quick turn of events – how did I go from completely on-track to, “Could this be a problem?” in four hours time?<br /><br />My friends were incredibly supportive – who <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">hasn</span>’t been drunk at home alone at one time or another? – but I knew it <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">wasn</span>’t an evening of good decision making when I saw the reaction of Peaches, my darling, but brutally honest housemate (cat). She had no mercy – just an exasperated look (seriously?!) and a retreat to the bedroom.<br /><br />So I follow her – it is now 10pm and I’m about sober. I get into bed and pick up last week’s <em>Time</em> magazine, and flip to <a href="http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1890387,00.html">Get Rich Slow</a> by Josh <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Quittner</span>, an article that seems to corroborate my last blog about starting a new venture in this new era – “launching now will make your company stronger later.” And then remember who I am and what I’m supposed to be doing. And I go to bed dreaming of writing, running a company and being fabulous.<br /><br />So what is the moral of this story? That I’m okay with spending a weekend alone? That I'm kinda on the right track and getting closer to achieving my new intentions? That I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">shouldn</span>’t start drinking so early in the day?<br /><br />What I do know is that today I woke up early, had brunch, read the Sunday <em>Times</em>, hit the Farmer’s Market, hiked, saw a movie, cooked for a neighbor, and wrote this week’s blog. Not too bad on the productivity level.<br /><br />I’m not sure if these activities hit any landmarks on the "new journey" <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">roadmap</span>. But I do feel good. And I did notice that there’s a New Moon in the sky tonight… which means that anything is possible for the upcoming week. Fingers crossed.BusiGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05648826560863464313noreply@blogger.com0